Monday, November 13, 2006

Elgin Marbles dispute to be resolved over 5 matches

Today, at a press conference at the Duveen Gallery in the British Museum, Thomas Billingsworth, Curator of Sporting Competitions announced a new tournament to determine the rightful holders of the Elgin or Parthenon Marbles. This will finally solve a dispute that has been raging ever since the Earl of Elgin bought them from the Ottoman Empire that controlled Greece in 1806.

“This has been a political and patriotic controversy for the last two centuries, with passionate argument for and against their siting in London or Athens,” remarked Mr. Billingsworth “In Britain we pride ourselves on fair play and so we are gathered here today at the inauguration of this new biannual competition. The winner of the series will be able to call themselves the Elgin Marbles Champions.”

A press release confirmed that the new tournament will be played over a series of 5 Test matches with the winner of the series being crowned champions. The location of the tournament will alternate between Britain and Greece.

Mr Billingsworth elaborated further “The rules will be those of standard circle marbles. No local rules will be allowed and there will be no “quitsies”. We will follow the proud tradition of the Ashes Test cricket series and there will be no “keepsies” either - regardless of who is crowned Elgin Marbles Champions, the Parthenon Marbles themselves will stay in the British Museum.”

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