Sunday, April 08, 2007

Jenson Button “Religion blunts chances”

Friends of Jenson Button today revealed that there might be religious aspects to the British Formula 1 driver’s lack of success in Motor Racing.

"Well, I know Jense well," said James Billingsworth from Frome in Somerset. "Why else would I refer to him as Jense? In his seven years in F1, and in his previous career in the lower formulae, he has never really raced on a Sunday. I think that it is a devout Christian belief."

Friends believe this, rather than any question marks regarding the Englishman’s talent, is the reason for a lack of race wins and championship success.

"Oh certainly he will drive on a Sunday, but he just won’t compete!" claimed Mr Billingsworth, citing the Briton’s performances as evidence. "You never see him overtaking, and he doesn’t defend his position at all well, both of which would mark him out as a racing driver. What he does is drive neatly around, respecting the Sabbath."

Friends point out that Button’s only F1 win came at the 2006 Hungarian Grand Prix in wet conditions that led a lot of other drivers to crash.

"He stayed out of everyone’s way in the race and when Fernando Alonso’s car broke he simply inherited the win," explained James. "I believe he gave the trophy away as otherwise he was worried it would be lead to idolatry".

Button has shown he will compete in Saturday’s qualifying session but seems resolute in not finishing Sunday’s race any further up the field than he starts it. It is also understood that Jenson was becoming increasingly worried that as the performance of his Honda car improved he would be a hindrance to more drivers because of his feelings about the Seventh Day.

"Fortunately this year’s car is terrible," said Billingsworth. "This puts Jenson further back on the starting grid and he need not worry about competing on a Sunday this season."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is that supposed to be funny? Because it's just rubbish.

And if it's an attempt at starting a rumour it's lame.

Anchorman said...

Hi Jenson's Mum,
I was wondering if you could ask you boy about this theory (hardly a rumour on such a little website and anyway, nothing wrong with people getting religion).

I mean, anyone would think he wasn't actually as good as Marc Hynes or Luciana Burti (who beat him in F3) or Fisi or Trulli (who beat him in F1).

I mean, we all know from the hype that "our Jense" is better than Senna, so perhaps if you could get him to drop by and give us his thoughts that would be great.

Cheers.

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