Sunday, March 04, 2007

Apology Climate Crisis

Officials in Whitehall are concerned over the rate of use of apology resources and may in future come to rely on renewable "expressions of regret". The news comes from leaked documents within the civil service saying that soon Britain will have to apologise for events that took place within living memory.

"It is quite a crisis," explained Sir Humphrey Billingsworth a retired official from the Foreign Office. "For decades Britain has led the world in apologising for the actions of our forefathers. However these are not inexhaustible resources and the last 50 years has shown a dramatic increase the use of non-renewable apologies, and with the end of empire, we simply aren’t finding new sources of future international incidents to be sorry for."

The plans being drawn up involve an increase in expressions of regret, which can later be re-cycled into full apologies.

"We need to think of future generations and their needs." said Sir Humphrey. "They deserve the right to have to apologise for events hundreds of years before they were born. If we don’t act now, our descendants will feel no shame at flying their own flag, nor will they be at all guilty about their nation’s history."

However campaigners are outraged at the leaked proposals and are planning a series of protest marches in the capital.

"We should be apologising now for not only everything that this country has ever done, but for everything it is going to do," said a statement on ‘http://ohGodImSoSorry.blogspot.com'. "We need to make sure that we are sorry for the past, but also sorry for the future. It is a message worth repeating and for that we will not apologise. Sorry."

A government spokesperson would not comment on the leaked documents, but said that it was preposterous to believe that it was not planning for the needs of future generations.

"In the last ten years we have been involved in two new wars, and at home thousands of people’s pensions are ruined," she said. "There will be plenty to be sorry for in years to come."

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