Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Lucas Secures Star Wars Legacy For Future Generations Of Duvet Covers And Lunchboxes


George Lucas has announced that he has sold the Star Wars franchise to theatrical heritage authority Disney in a move to guarantee the future of Star Wars merchandising for another generation.

“I think it is time I handed over the baton.  After 35 years, I really cannot think of anything else to stick Darth Vader’s image on,” said the mad revisionist as he signed the Star Wars ‘May the Courts be with you’ branded stationery of the contract using his LightSaber pen. 

Senior First Executive Principle Vice President, Walter D. Billingsworth IV who followed Mr Lucas in signing the contract on behalf of Disney said that there was a lot of pent-up demand for further adventures in the Star Wars extended universe.

“We have definite plans for the next movie in 2015 which will focus on the Ewoks who have to free their sacred talking candlestick from the Sheriff of Nottingham,” said Billingsworth.  “We think die-hard fans and newcomers alike will enjoy our re-interpretation of Chewbacca in the character of Baloo the Bear.”

Existing Star Wars actors where said to have mixed reactions to the news.

“Opportunity for film work again, it is. Good that is.  Although dead I am care about Star Wars integrity I do,” said former Jedi and now telecommunications salesman Yoda, 800. “Although not so dead phone sales targets hit I cannot.  Judge iPhone 5 by its size do you, hmm?”

Disney hopes the £2.5Bn deal will enable the production of more movies on an almost annual basis.

“We certainly see the potential to explore the early life of some of the characters further, such as Luke Skywalker’s school years, and the significant formative events of his life,” said Billingsworth. “We are looking forward to realising on screen the musical number during which Luke uses the force to help Aunt Beru tidy up.”

There was a further surprise announcement at the end of the ceremonial signing of the contract when George Lucas announced that there would be a Special Edition DVD of the press conference in which it is clear that Disney signed first.

1 comment:

Han Solo said...

I shot first!

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