Sunday, January 23, 2011

Newspapers In Disarray As Man With Normal Hair Charged With Murder Of Joanna Yeates

Staff at The Sun were said to be devastated that a man with normal looking hair had been charged with the murder of young, blonde, architect, Joanna Yeates, seemingly the only woman to go missing over Christmas.

"The cops have now got to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible because this bloke Tabak has normal looking hair, and a girlfriend and everything,” said Emily Billingsworth, Donkey Porn actress and secret journalist for The Sun. “He's not a loner and his hair is simply not blue enough to be a murderer. If his hair isn't mad, he can't be.”

Pals said Sun “journos” were distraught that their beautiful “weird, posh, lewd, creepy” innuendo filled story had been murdered at such a young age.

“We really are in bits, we have got people all over the place, some even in Holland which is outside London, apparently,” said a tired and emotional Billingsworth, 19, who was seen leaving a nightclub at 3am this morning and wanted to set the record straight. “I am not putting on weight, it is an allergic reaction to the same bipolar medication Kerry Katona takes.”

The newsroom at the Daily Mail was, however, said to be pleased to be able to extend their in-depth coverage of the murder and that recent developments had vindicated the “newspapers” general editorial stance.

“Whilst Jo wasn't the only person to go missing over Christmas she was of course the most attractive-blonde-female of those that did,” said one staff member at the Daily Mail who did not wish to be named to spare his family from the shame of what he did for a living. “But of course this Vincent Tabak bloke looks to be a typical, dodgy, foreigner who came over here to take our jobs and our lovely fruity, blonde, women.”

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