A storm has broken over the campaign of Hillary Clinton for US President when it emerged last night that Mrs Clinton does not have a penis. A college friend who is now working for the Republican Party revealed the shocking news.
"A group of us were on a hiking trip back in ‘68 and we were up in the hills chatting " explained Kurt Billingsworthski. "Hillary joked that it is OK for us guys to get ‘caught short’, we can stand behind a tree, but you know squatting in long grass isn’t fun if you're not sure what is in there."
Mr Billingsworthski had largely forgotten about the whole incident, until it became clear that Mrs Clinton was to run for election to President.
"Well I felt I just had to come forward and let the people know," he said. "President is such an important job. I know that this is 21st century America, so you know, we have to make sure all types of people get their chance. But this is such a major political issue for any man running for President."
Hillary Clinton has not commented on the matter, but the flames of controversy were further fanned upon news that Hillary was the parent of a child with a similar affliction. There has also been further speculation that Mrs Clinton may also have been born without testes.
"You see, this is it, you are either with penis or without. The American way of life will be threatened if we let people without a penis into a position of power," said Kurt. "All American Presidents have had a penis, just like all the people they represent. It is clear that the record of George W. Bush owes a lot to testes."
Supporters have argued that Mrs Clinton may in fact simply be a woman, a condition said to affect over half of US society. They add that rather than being ostracised people such as Hillary should be welcomed into the mainstream to add their diversity to the richness of American politics.
"That is the kind of unchristian, un-American talk that we are fighting everyday in this war on terror!" screamed Mr Billingsworthski. "These heathen people want to destroy our way of life – they want to ruin our Eden once more by giving a woman power. As a good Republican I know that, as sure as the earth is 6,000 years old, politics should only be conducted with a penis."
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