Tuesday, May 01, 2007

PM fears fortnightly rubbish collection

Tony Blair today entered into the controversy surrounding proposals to change some of the nation’s rubbish collection to fortnightly arguing in favour of the more traditional weekly collection.

“I am a bit of a traditionalist on this,” said the Prime Minister. “There are many people, like me, who believe that the country is best served by the collection of rubbish each and every week. As many people know I was not so keen on a longstanding tradition in the borough of Westminster for the rubbish to have two smaller collections, twice weekly, on Tuesday and Thursday which was why I moved Prime Minister’s Questions to a single larger collection on Wednesdays.”

The major concerns have been centred on increasingly large amounts of garbage being allowed to fester for greater periods providing opportunities for the infestation of maggots.

“The maggot infestation in Westminster is very real,” commented Mr Blair. “I think there is a great risk that it will give the Tory party time to produce a load of mad policies, frankly, that will wriggle out into the mainstream and provide a rich breading ground for the spread of Conservatism.”

The idea of moving rubbish collections to a fortnightly service has been proposed by several groups in the country as a drive to increase recycling and thus to lead to an improvement in environmental conditions in the long term.

“Well, that is a good and noble idea, but flawed, since it will give the maggots time to develop new ways to attack a defenceless and innocent Prime Minister,” he continued. “We have a good record on recycling of the same messages and themes of always harking back to the previous government’s time in power. In fact I believe that my answers to PMQs have been recycled 17% more, in real terms, than they were in 1979.”

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