Sunday, October 09, 2011

Supporters of Liam Fox Deny Anyone Would Volunteer To Be Near Him

As the investigation into the circumstances surrounding the relationship between Adam Werrity and Dr Liam Fox continues, each new revelation hints that there might be someone who is comfortable to be around Liam Fox without being paid to do so.

“I find that idea completely amazing, have you met Dr Fox?” asked Julian Billingsworth, who has been part of the Defence Secretary’s Woodspring constituency team for the past 20 years. “If I wasn’t getting a bung I wouldn’t want to be near the man.”

Government ministers and civil servants alike have rushed forward to defend Dr Fox from accusations that his friend Adam Werrity was not paid by either the Conservative Party or a government department.

“If Werrity wasn’t paid, then he must have been accompanying Fox to that meeting in Dubai out of friendship. You have to admire Werrity because, Jesus Christ, that’s a seven hour flight,” said Billingsworth. “I can only tolerate a cab ride to our constituency office with him because I know he is paying for the 6 pints I’ll need to get through lunch.”

Those investigating allegations that Mr Werrity was in fact just a friend of the Defence Secretary and enjoyed his company said that there was no evidence to substantiate these wild accusations and that Mr Werrity simply must have been paid by someone. Surely.

“We even confirmed that staff at his local hospital use his impending visit as a way of bargaining with patients over unpleasant medical procedures,” said one senior civil servant. “And even the sick kids insisted that if they spent more than 20 minutes with him they were to get either a Ben-10 watch or let off coma-preventing dialysis for the day.”

The Prime Minister is said to be deeply concerned over the revelations and has asked for early sight of the report should the investigation find that a senior Tory has engendered affection in another human being

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