Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Internet Explorer Users Are Thick. In Other News Most Banks Still Using IE6

A recent survey of 100,000 web users has found that Internet Explorer users tend to have the lowest IQs of the online community while those using seemingly any alternative, such as Chrome or Firefox are smarter, and no doubt sexier.

“I knew it, I knew it! All along, persevering with Firefox’s long load times and non-standard standards compliant behaviour was the way to go,” claimed technology commentator Mr Bloggy. “Suffering frustration, lost hours with all those broken websites and the breakdown of a relationship was genius after all. Stick that Sandra. Bitch.”

The study found that those who simply used the market leading browser that came with their PC, and consequently most websites are designed to work with as a matter of course, were in fact idiots all along. It was in many ways fortunate that these users had the easiest web surfing experience of all given their low average IQ of 80.

“Whereas those users that used something obscure such as Camino, or trendy such as Safari, obviously had the highest IQ of all, despite suffering the pain of badly rendered pages and malfunctioning plug-ins,” said analyst Callum Billingsworth, 12, from consultancy Walsh Cowell-Hasslehoff.

In general the IQ scores results were quite low, ranging from the 80 to 120, which would seem to indicate that the truly bright rarely navigate the tides of filth and abuse that forms the modern web. Either that or even their powerful intellect had been dulled after several hours surfing donkey porn or just a few minutes playing Farmville.

However sceptics said it was part of a conspiracy to shame users of Internet Explorer version 6 – introduced with Windows XP in 2001 - into upgrading. Such users scored lowest of all on the IQ scale, registering just above “horny chimp”.

“Frankly anyone who hasn’t upgraded from IE6 really is probably some sort of sociopath that you wouldn’t want to be alone with,” said Billingsworth. “But then everything becomes clear when you realise that most banks still use XP and IE6.”

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