End-of-the-pier summer show regular, Louis Walsh, was said to be angered today at allegations that he may have reached out and grabbed some 24 year old talent in a Dublin night-club.
“Louis is devastated at the idea that he is being accused of being a talent spotter,” said pal Padraig O’Billingsworth. “He is vigorously denying the allegations and has plenty of evidence to support him.”
Eyewitnesses say that Walsh first came to public notice as the handler of a troupe of performing freaks with learning difficulties that he had created in the secret laboratory on his island hideaway, known only as Ireland.
“The first batch Louis made had very poor co-ordination and were basically mute, having not learned how to sing, ” said O’Billingsworth. “Or how to wear a shirt.”
After more refinements in his Ireland lair, the proudly heterosexual band found fame under the macho-sounding name of “Boyzone”. The fact that all five members came from Dublin is a key piece of evidence against Walsh ever making a play for any talent in the city.
“Louis never stopped experimenting though, he was keen that he could come out with something even more fabulous than Boyzone,” said O’Billingsworth. “And so the next batch from the vat in his lab became known as Westlife. This time they could talk, dress and walk normally, but they weren’t bright, Louis did have to explain to them that ‘Boyz II Men’ was not a day care centre.”
Mr Walsh has said that once he has cleared his name of the allegations in Dublin he wants his fans to know that he will return to work as a judge on the popular karaoke stall at the summer fair and that there will be new surprises in store.
“Oh it will be fabulous darling,” said O’Billingsworth. “Louis will be fired up to completely fail to spot talent again and what’s more after the show he will be running the bingo where he will be master of the balls.”
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