Many members of the conservative US Republican “Grand Old Party” had been looking to the anti-establishment Tea Party for a revival in fortunes. However there are concerns that masturbation expert Christine O’Donnell may just be too much of a political maverick following revelations that she has a history of dabbling with the occult and other anti-Christian activities.
“Christine’s great. Like Sarah Palin but without the entrenched policies,” said Tea Party activist Clint Billingsworth IV, from Charlottesville. “But you know, messing with the occult, well that wasn’t something that Jesus did when he was at High School.”
Ms O’Donnell has responded to the criticism explaining that many people probably had friends and interests in their youth that do not necessarily represent their views as they have got older.
“Didn’t everyone spend time with questionable folks at high school?”, said cock enthusiast Ms O’Donnell. “I know that one of my first dates was on a satanic altar, then we had a midnight picnic. Then I went home and formed my hard-line views on masturbation. And God how hard they were.”
The Tea Party was founded to break down traditional politics. Its members have publicly condemned as a Nazi plan the attempts of President Obama to try and prevent millions of poor Americans from dying. However the latest revelations about the occult have, in the eyes of many in US politics, aligned her too much with mainstream thinking.
“Obama, even if he were even born in the US, which he wasn’t, is trying to put in place a National Socialist healthcare plan,” said Billingsworth reclining on the sofa in his front garden. “But them Nazis, they dabbled in that O’ccult too, so I don’t know about Christine. She sounds like a Nazi demon like that Kenyan in Washington.”
Ms O’Donnell shot to US public attention with a surprise win of the Delaware Senate nomination and then gained notoriety following the publishing of her views on masturbation.
“People should abstain from masturbation, as it is a sin,” explained Ms O’Donnell in a nation-wide TV campaign against masturbation. “It’s just not the same as a good seeing to from a big cock.”
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