Monday, January 14, 2008

Report casts electric bulbs in bad light

A report from a candle manufacturers' association says that their research has shown that energy efficient light bulbs may cause areas of darkness to become illuminated and warn against their use by anyone who prefers low-light levels, such as moles, earthworms and ugly people.

"Unlike your traditional candle these lights make night time seem like day, and inside seem like being outdoors in the sun," said Carlos Valor dos Faturamentos of the Brazilian Wax Association. "Whereas a candle is much more atmospheric in that it just makes things seem gloomy and cast large foreboding shadows on the walls."

The report also counters the claim that energy efficient light bulbs may induce more migraines in extremely susceptible people than incandescent light bulbs.

"Anyone who has tried to read by candlelight will tell you that it only takes a few minutes and you have a stinking headache," said Senhor Valor dos Faturamentos. "The traditional wax candle is by far the most efficient light source at producing a throbbing sensation behind the eyes and causing blurred or impaired vision. The forger played by Donald Pleasance in the Great Escape would have been such a minor part without our products."

Valor dos Faturamentos denied that the century long move in favour of electric light was a threat to the candle industry and was the real motivation behind the report saying instead that it highlighted the rival’s shortcomings.

"Some people maintain that these new low energy bulbs flicker at the edge of your vision," said Senhor Valor dos Faturamentos. "The candle, however, flickers strongly right in your face, especially if you breathe near it. Let us not forget the service the candle does for town planning in the 21st century since without it many old and magnificent buildings, several hundreds of years old, may still be with us today."

The wax industry denied that the future was bleak for the candle and maintained that its core customer would always reach for the more natural product on a long, dark, winter’s night.

"We predict steady sales of shaped candles, such as the hugely successful ‘Westlife’ candle," he said. "Teenage girls will always find comfort spending the evening with a candle."

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