Sunday, July 29, 2007

Brown reveals plans for Duchess of York Commemoration

As the tenth anniversary of Tony Blair’s coining of the immortal phrase "People’s Princess" approaches Gordon Brown today revealed further plans to follow in his predecessor’s footsteps.

"Tony Blair made great capital out of the statement he gave after the apparent death of Diana," said the Prime Minister. "I plan to improve my popularity in the UK and internationally, especially in the United States, by invoking similar platitudinal sentimentality regarding the death of the Divvie’s Duchess."

As with many leading figures the arrangements for the funeral and commemoration of Sarah Ferguson are made years in advance but in this case are being brought forward on a political schedule. To ensure that the shared grief is as media friendly as possible the pavements outside Gregg’s pasty shops will be cordoned off for laying of flowers and stuffed ‘Budgie the helicopter’ toys. Wedgewood pottery, who she has spent several years promoting, are already stockpiling commemorative ceramic ‘Fergie toes’ for remembrance sucking.

Several ski resorts around the world will be offering free lift passes for the day of the memorial service, to honour the tradition of Sarah Ferguson’s many holidays at other’s expense.

Whilst many people think Sarah, Duchess of York is the kind of person who would be late for her own funeral, Downing Street said that despite being alive and well "she has time to make our schedule."

At the memorial service itself, fellow celebrity ginger, Elton John, will perform a specially adapted version of his hit duet now entitled "Don’t go baking the tart (She’d rather have it fried)".

A spokesman for Buckingham Palace revealed that whilst there were no truth in conspiracy theories surrounding Royal complicity in the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, the Palace would "definitely be part of any arrangements" surrounding the unfortunate death of Fergie.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am going to queue up along The Mall now!

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