Scientists have heralded the discovery of a new emotion by a researcher at the Kyle University in Birmingham.
“Following a year long study it has become clear that in addition to the traditional emotions of anger, fear, love and so on, there is very definitely another powerful driver of the human psyche” stated controversial scientist Professor J. Scott Billingsworth.
The Professor, recently released from a custodial sentence for aggravated assault, explained how he approached his work.
“Due to court-orders preventing me conducting research directly on my assistants, I proceeded to observe my fellow researchers as they conducted their daily tasks on their own projects. It became apparent to me that as their projects developed and they experienced successes and failure, they clearly experienced a new emotion that I have called ‘futilation’.”
The Professor revealed that the new emotion, whilst outwardly similar to existing ones, appears to be specifically found within the scientific research community itself.
“This emotion is best described as experiencing frustration that your best efforts are being expended on a futile exercise,” explained Professor Billingsworth. “This exercise might be one that is being repeatedly described to you as of high importance, but that you realise is at best only ever going to be appreciated by those close to you, and at worst costs you your marriage and wastes your youth. Being futilated is a very destructive state to be in.”
When questioned as to the actual usefulness of this research Professor Billingsworth reacted angrily.
“You see, right now I am experiencing raging futilation, just like when my budget was cut on my research into violence. Shortly before I was convicted.”
Within 24 hours of the announcement of the discovery, a new specialist firm of solicitors was advertising on UK Gold offering help with personal injury claims for anyone futilated at work.
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